VeggieTales: The Adventures of Jonah
By D. E. Anderson © 1998
SCENE 1: The kitchen counter. Bob the Tomato is alone
Bob: Hi, kids, and welcome to VeggieTales. I'm Bob the Tomato, and this is my friend, La (Bob, looking to stage left, notices that Larry is not there) Larry? Larry?! Larry-Larry-Larry!!!
Larry: (voice from stage right, behind Bob) Over here, Bob!
Bob: (surprised) Aaaah! (hops over to see Larry the Cucumber standing before Qwerty the Computer, a video game on Qwerty's screen and a joystick in front of Larry. Larry is staring intently at the game, frantically playing) Um Larry?
Larry: Yeah, Bob?
Bob: What are you doing?
Larry: Well, I'm flying a little celery saucer through outer space, trying to pick up the broccolites before they are captured by the giant salad shooter, while avoiding the fiendish Giant Pickle who is trying to use a carrot-beam to trap my celery saucer in it's
Bob: I'm not interested in that, Larry
Larry: Then why did you ask?
Bob: Because um never mind. We're supposed to be introducing today's story. Do you think you could tear yourself away from your game for half an hour?
Larry: Oh, all right. Just let me check my E-mail.
Bob: Larry! The audience is waiting!
Larry: It'll just take a minute...Ooh, I got mail!
Larry: Hey, it's from a viewer!
Bob: (suddenly interested) Oh, a viewer? Which one?
Larry: Tina Anderson in Kalamazoo, Michigan.
Bob: Why don't you read it?
Larry: Okay. (stares at the screen, eyes moving side-to-side)
Bob: I mean, out loud.
Larry: Oh! It says, Dear Bob and Larry .Hey, Bob?
Bob: What, Larry?
Larry: Why do they always put your name first?
Bob: I don't know, Larry.
Larry: Hmm, anyway, she says, Dear Bob and Larry, I really like your videos. If it were up to me, I'd watch them all the time, but my parents make me do my homework and clean my room and stuff. What should I do?
Bob: (to audience) That's a good question, Tina. I'm glad you like our videos, but it's important for you to do other things. You need to do homework so that you can grow up to be smart. And keeping your room clean helps out your family.
Larry: That's right! You wouldn't want to grow up to be dumb and messy. If you watched our videos all the time why that would be horrible! You'd never get to eat pizza or take a bubble bath or go to church or the zoo or the park or the museum or the Stuff Mart or
Bob: I think she gets the picture, Larry.
Larry: Maybe Tina should compromise with her parents.
Bob: Now there's an idea!
Larry: There are 24 hours in the day, right? Well, maybe she can watch VeggieTales for twelve of those hours, and then sleep and go to school and stuff the other twelve!
Bob: I don't think that'll be enough time, Larry.
Larry: Sure it will! Twelve hours a day is plenty of time to watch VeggieTales!
Bob: (almost says something to Larry, but then shakes his head. To audience, he says:) Tina, it's very important that we do the things we need to do. It may not always seem like fun, but well, maybe I should tell you the story of Jonah, a man who didn't want to do what God needed him to do. Now, this story took place a loooong time ago
Larry: (dramatically) In a galaxy far, far away!
Bob: No, Larry. It happened in the Middle East.
Larry: Are you sure?
Bob: Yes, I'm positive.
Larry: Because I think it would be cool if it happened in outer space. Can't we tell the story so that it happened in outer space?
Bob: But that's not how the story goes. Here's how it goes
Scene II: Outside an Israeli shack. Larry is dressed in Israeli garb. He is looking around, dissatisfied at his surroundings.
Bob: (narrator voice) Jonah was a prophet who lived in Israel, and one day
(Larry suddenly squints tightly, and the house blows away as if by a stiff wind, and a futuristic-looking house is blown into its place. The bright sky is replaced with a purplish sky with two moons side-by-side and we see the Starship Applepies fly overhead, faintly hearing "Meet Me In St. Louis" coming from within)
Bob: (angrily) Larry! I told you (sighs) oh, well. Okay, Jonah was a spaceman who lived on the planet of Cucumbia
Larry: Much better!
Bob: And one day, God told Jonah to fly to a planet named Nineveh.
Larry: Okay! Um...why?
Bob: I was getting to that. You see, the Ninevites didn't know about God, so God wanted Jonah to go there and tell them about Him. You see?
Larry: Got it! So I'll just go to the nearest spaceport and catch the next shuttle to Nineveh! Noooo problem! (Hops off)
Bob: But Larry I mean, Jonah hold on just a minute
SCENE III: A spaceport. Pa Grape is behind the ticket counter. Larry hops up to the counter.
Pa Grape: So, where to?
Larry: One ticket to Nineveh, please! And make it snappy!
Pa Grape: Huh? Nineveh? You're joking, right?
Larry: (confused) I don't think so. Am I?
Pa Grape: We don't have any shuttles going there! Every time we tried sending a shuttle there, they would attack it with slushies.
Larry: But God wants me to go to Nineveh.
Pa Grape: Then you'll have to hire a pilot to take you there.
Larry: Well, where do I find a pilot?
Pa Grape: Ah, try the bar!
Larry: The bar? But I'm too young to go into a bar!
Pa Grape: Oh, it's okay. It's a salad bar.
Larry: I see!
SCENE IV: Inside the salad bar. There are very strange-looking veggies all over the place. Larry is hopping from veggie to veggie.
Larry: Are you a pilot? Are YOU a pilot? Hello, I'm looking for a pilot!
(As he hops along, we see Laura the Carrot sitting in a booth. Larry goes right past her)
Larry: (to another Veggie) Are you a pilot?
Larry: Did somebody say 'pffft!'? (He turns and sees Laura)
Laura: Not 'pffft!', 'pssst!'
Laura: No, psssst!
Larry: Are you a pilot?
Laura: (sadly) Noooo
Larry: So why did you say...'pfsthfstht!'?
Laura: Because I know a pilot.
Larry: Oh! Well, lead the way!
SCENE V: Outside a spaceship docked in a hanger. Junior Asparagus is wiping the windshield with a squeegee. Larry and Laura hop up.
Laura: Hey, guess what? I have a customer.
Junior: (drops squeegee into bucket and turns to face Larry) Oh, hi!
Larry: I'm Jonah. Who are you?
Junior: I'm Ham Polo, captain of the Aluminum Toucan.
Larry: Can you take me where I need to go?
Junior: Oh, yeah. I'm the best pilot in the universe. I can take you to any planet you want to go to
Larry: Oh, good, because I want to go
Junior: Except, of course, Nineveh.
Larry: Why not?
Junior: I've still got slushy in my ear from the last time I tried to go there. Boy, those Ninevites aren't very nice!
Larry: Well, you see
Laura: (shocked and pointing) Ham, look out!
(The camera spins suddenly, and we see Mr. Lunt who just entered through a door into the spaceport.)
Lunt: There you are, Ham! I've been looking for you!
Junior: It's Jabba the Lunt! Uh-oh!
Larry: (to Laura) Is that bad?
Laura: He wants to steal the Aluminum Toucan from Ham!
Larry: Oooh, an arch-enemy!
Lunt: Ever since I was a little gourd, I've wanted a spaceship of my very own! Billy had one!
Larry: He's a gourd? I thought he was a nut or something.
Junior: (to Lunt) But why mine? Why don't you just buy your own spaceship?
Lunt: I don't have the money! Gimme your spaceship!
Junior: (to Larry and Laura) Quick! Get inside!
(Junior, Laura, and Larry all hop up the ramp. Lunt follows and as soon as he steps on the ramp, it goes up, throwing him up so that he hits his head on the underside of the Toucan, then he falls backwards into the spaceport)
Lunt: Ouch! That hurts!
(Bob jogs into the scene, a bit out of breath)
Bob: So Jonah went to the spaceport to try to find a pilot who could...
Lunt: (still laying on his back) Excuse me, but...umm...I think he left already.
Bob: What? Oh, I hate it when the story gets away from me.
SCENE VI: Inside the cockpit of the Toucan. We see Jimmy and Jerry Gourd at the controls. Junior hops in, followed by Laura and Larry.
Junior: Quick! Take off! (Hops into pilot chair)
(We see the spaceship rising up above the city)
Junior: So, Jonah, where did you want to go, anyway?
Larry: Well Nineveh.
Junior: Nineveh? But I told you we don't go there!
Jimmy: No way.
Jerry: No how.
Larry: I know what you said, but, you see, God told me to go there and preach to the Ninevites.
Junior: Oh, I see. Well, if God wants you to go there, then I guess we'll have to risk it. Gentlegourds, set course for Nineveh!
Jimmy: I don't know about this.
Larry: What's so bad about Nineveh, anyway?
Jerry: Are you kidding? They're wicked, wicked people!
Larry: Well, that's probably why God wants me to go there. You think?
Jimmy: But you have no idea what they'll do to you! They might dangle you on a string and pretend you're a pinata!
Jerry: Or maybe they'll use you in a big ol' salad!
Jimmy: Or maybe they'll go crocodile hunting, using you as bait!
Larry: (very frightened) Uhhh you know, maybe you all were right. There's no reason to go to Nineveh!
Junior: But, Jonah! God said He wanted you to go there! You can't say no to God!
Larry: Well, maybe I heard Him wrong. Maybe He didn't say Nineveh! Maybe he said Canada! That's it! I think God said to go to Canada!
Jimmy: (to Jerry) Where is Canada?
Jerry: I have no idea.
Larry: Well, I hear the planet Tarshish is kinda nice this time of year! You know, it's fall there, so the leaves are all changing colors.
Junior: But Tarshish is the opposite way from Nineveh.
Larry: I'm the customer here, and I say we go to Tarshish!
Junior: (reluctantly) Okay, Gourds. Set the course for Tarshish!
(we see a wide shot of the Toucan turning in space)
SCENE VII: Outer space. We see the Aluminum Toucan approaching a planet
(Cut to inside the cockpit, we see the gang)
Junior: Okay, everyone. We're approaching Tarshish!
Laura: Hey, what's that?
(We see a shot through the windshield, and a bunch of objects are heading towards them)
Jerry: That looks like .
(Again, through the windshield, we can see that the objects are popcorn)
Jerry and Jimmy together: ...POPCORN!!!!
Jimmy: Good, I'm famished.
(The popcorn starts hitting the ship, and the ship starts rocking side to side)
Junior: I can't keep it under control!
(Jimmy and Jerry get out of their seats and head out of the cockpit)
Junior: Where are you going?!!!
(We see a hatch open on the roof and Jimmy and Jerry stick their heads out, catching popcorn in their mouths)
Jimmy: Needs more butter.
(Inside the cockpit, Laura has taken Jimmy's seat, and Larry has taken Jerry's. They're fighting to keep the ship steady)
Junior: I don't think we're gonna make it. I've never seen a popcorn shower this bad!
Laura: Why is this happening?
(Camera closes in on Larry, realization dawning on his face)
Larry: It's me.
Laura: What, Jonah?
Larry: It's me. God sent this popcorn shower to stop me from going to Tarshish. He wanted me to go to Nineveh and I said no. I'm so ashamed!
Junior: I'd turn around and head back to Nineveh, but I don't have any control.
Larry: Well, I'm not going to let you all suffer for my mistake! (gets up and heads out of cockpit)
(We see Jerry and Jimmy still catching and eating popcorn, their heads sticking out of the hatch)
Larry: (voice from below) Excuse me, guys! (Larry pops up, wearing a space suit, squeezing between them) Oof!
Jimmy: (mouth full of popcorn) What are you doing, Jonah?
Larry: Hasta la bye bye, guys! (He pushes himself up and shoots up into outer space)
(Jimmy and Jerry look straight up, watching Larry fly away. The popcorn shower has stopped)
Jerry: What happened to the popcorn?
SCENE VIII: Outer space. Larry is floating around.
Larry: Okay, God, now what? .Look, I'm sorry I didn't go to Nineveh as you asked. I was scared. I guess I should have had faith in You. But I didn't, and now I'm floating through space without a spaceship, and I'll never roam the green fields of Cucumbia and pick dandelions and rub them on my cheeks to see if they turn yellow. Oh, woe is me! (the viewers see, behind him, an object hurtling through space towards Larry, but can't quite make out what it is)
Larry: So tell you what, God, you give me a second chance, and I'll go to Nineveh! I promise! Even if they use me as a pinata, or make me into a salad or use me as crocodile bait, it's better than being stuck out here! (we can now see that the object hurtling towards Larry is a giant, evil-looking whale, eyeing Larry)
Larry: Well, I trust You, God. So what's your answer? (Larry looks straight into the camera) What are you all looking at? Is there something behind me? (Larry turns, seeing the whale) Eep! A whalien! Um, God? Go-od! Oh, no, what am I gonna do? (He looks over his space suit and spots the hose going into his oxygen tank. He twists his whole body suddenly, causing the hose to get yanked out of the oxygen tank. The sudden release of air causes Larry to fly through outer space like a deflating balloon. As he flies, his spacesuit gradually falls apart)
Larry: Whooooaaaaaa! Wheeeeee! (He ends up flying head-first into the blow-hole in the top of the whale and is stuck with his lower body sticking out of the hole) Whoa, déjà vu!
SCENE IX: Inside the cockpit.
Junior: Where did he go?
Laura: There he is! Look, he's stuck in the whalien's blow hole!
Junior: We gotta get him out of there!
Jimmy: (to Jerry) Do you think you could eat a whole whalien?
Jerry: Gee, I don't think so. If I hadn't eaten all that popcorn, then maybe.
Junior: Laura, where's the whalien heading?
Laura: (looks at readings on control panel) Straight towards Nineveh!
Junior: Oh, I get it! (smiles) Follow that whalien!
(We see a wide shot of the whalien cruising through space, the Toucan following behind. Fade to black)
SCENE X: We see title 'THREE DAYS LATER', then fade in to outer space, the whalien and Toucan still cruising along.
(Zooms in on blow-hole with Larry's lower half still sticking up)
Larry: (singing, voice slightly muffled) twenty-three bottles of pop on the wall, twenty three bottles of pop take one down, pass it around .
(Camera turns slightly, and we see the planet below the whalien. The whalien flips over so that its top is facing the planet, takes a deep breath and holds it, building up pressure. Suddenly, Larry is popped out of the blow hole)
Larry: Hey, I'm free! I'm .uh-oh .(Larry notices that he is falling toward the planet's surface) I am going to die!
Scene XI: Inside the Toucan's cockpit.
Junior: There he goes! After him!
(We see the Toucan suddenly dive towards Larry)
Junior: Faster! Faster! Laura, go to the hatch!
Laura: Okay, Ham!
(We see Larry falling, from the perspective of the top of the Toucan as it dives towards him, the ground below rapidly approaching. Laura pops open the hatch and sticks her head out)
Laura: Jonah! (A slushie hits her in the face. She yells into the ship) We're under attack!
(The Toucan speeds up again until Laura is very close to the still-falling Larry. Slushies are flying all around them, occasionally hitting one or the other of them)
Laura: Jonah! This way! Grab my hand!
Larry: But you don't have any hands.
Laura: Oh, I forgot!
(Cut to inside of cockpit)
Junior: We're gonna crash! (He yanks back on controls, trying to level off the Toucan before it hits the ground. Slushies are slamming into the windshield. We see Larry fall into the open hatch of the Toucan as it passes below him. He crashes into Laura and they both fall into the ship, ending up with Larry sitting on Laura)
Laura: I got him Ham!
(We see a wide-shot of the Toucan, still heading down but attempting to level off. We also see shots of peas behind large guns firing off slushies, with the cup and straw. At the last possible moment, Junior gets the Toucan leveled off, but its bottom scrapes the ground with a loud crash. It bounces, slowing down, and eventually comes to rest)
(We see peas hopping up to the Toucan, laughing to themselves. The ramp lowers and Larry walks down the ramp)
Larry: Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people (a slushie hits him in the face, and peas start laughing)
Pierre: Ho, I heet heem, Jean-Claude! That was a good one, oui?
Jean-Claude: Oui Oui! A direct heet on the seely peekle, Pierre!
Larry: I'm a cucumber. (another slushie hits him in the face, then a second, then a third, and he falls backward) Hey, that stuff's COLD!
(The peas pick up Larry and carry him off)
SCENE XII: Inside the cockpit.
Junior: They got Jonah! We have to do something! (hops out of chair and towards door. Laura, looking dazed, enters and Junior bumps into her, knocking her over as he walks past) Come on, Laura!
Jimmy: So, then we'll stay here?
(Junior and Laura hop out of the Toucan, following the peas who are carrying Larry)
SCENE XIII: Inside a futuristic-looking command center.
(The peas carry Larry in and set him down)
Larry: So, what is this place? It's nice, but it could use a little redecorating.
Jean-Claude: Eet's our command center. We've brought you to meet the boss!
Larry: Oh, I see. I'll tell him about God, and then (someone approaches Larry from behind, but off-camera. All we see is his shadow falling across the floor. He's very large) he'll teach everyone to be nice to each other, and the entire universe will soon be living in harmony. And then maybe we can make teams and play baseball games or swap recipes! I can show you all how to make lefse!
Pierre: I don't theenk the boss cares about your leetle God!
Larry: Oh well what's your boss' name?
(We now see a large potato standing behind Larry in a Darth Vader-type mask)
Darth: My name is Darth Tater!
Larry: Eek! (turns around) Boy, I bet you spend a lot of time in the big-and-tall clothing stores!
(On the second-level of the command center, we see a door slowly open and Junior and Laura sneak in, ducking down. They peer through slots in the railing)
Laura: Oh no! Jonah's in biiiig trouble!
Junior: (looking around) I've got an idea!
Larry: So, Darth. Can I call you Darth? I've come to tell you and your peas about God. So whaddaya wanna know?
Darth: I want to know what your God is going to do to save you!
(We see Junior and Laura, who have picked up a large computer console and are trying to lift it up onto a railing, where Darth Tater is standing below. It's very heavy, and they're not having an easy time with it)
Larry: You see, God cares about everyone. And God wants YOU to care about everyone, too! But if you're always being mean to people well that's not good, and God doesn't like it very much. And if you're running this planet in a way that God doesn't like well it's just not going to last very long.
Darth: (laughs) I didn't get the kind of power I have by being NICE to people! Don't you get it, you silly cucumber!
Larry: (as if correcting Darth) I'm a cucumber oh, that's what you said. Never mind. By the way, you're not my father or anything, are you?
Darth: Huh? No. Where did you get that idea?
Larry: I don't know. I just felt like I should ask.
(We see Junior and Laura. They have the computer console balanced on the railing, right above Darth Tater. It appears to be on the verge of going over, but Junior and Laura are having a hard time pushing it any further)
Larry: (looks up and sees the console) Look out!
(The console falls, and Larry jumps forward, knocking Darth out of the way and the console crashes to the floor, narrowly missing them both)
Larry: (to Junior and Laura) Hey, watch where you drop those things! You might have hurt someone!
Darth: (to Larry) Why did you why did you save me?
Larry: Because like I told you, God loves everyone. Even you. And if God loves you, then I gotta love you, too! That's kinda how it goes!
Darth: If God would get you to risk your life, for someone who meant to hurt you, then (sighs) then this God of yours is great indeed!
Pierre: Boss? You mean, we're going to have to start being nice to people from now on?
Cristoffe: That means that we can't taunt people, and throw slushies at them, and laugh at them when they stub their toes and are bouncing around on one foot yelling 'ow-ow-ow'?
Jean-Claude: Are you SURE that console didn't conk you on the head?
Darth: (angrily) You listen to me! The new law is that everyone has to be nice to everyone else, even those who are visiting our planet!
All peas: Awww .
Darth: And anyone who doesn't like it
(The peas gasp)
Darth: well, we'll talk about our feelings.
Larry: That's the spirit!
I used to be bad, yeah, I used to be the worst
I used to want to find a way to be king of the universe
I used to be bad, now I'm as nice as can be
And I have learned to love, because I've learned that God loves me
You used to be bad, yeah, you really had us scared
But now you're kinda nice and I think the change is kinda weird
You used to be bad, yeah, but now you are kind
And we're all trying to determine if you've lost your mind!
So have you lost your lost your mind?
No, no. I'd say I've found my soul
So are we gonna rule the universe?
No, no. God is in control!
I'm glad to see that you know it's true
Yes, I know that it is true
That God loves me and He loves you
And He loves those french peas, too!
And He loves cows that go moo!
And He loves Winnie the Pooh!
And He loves ghosts that go boo!
And He loves the mute cebu!
And He loves doves that go coo!
And He loves owls that go hoo!
And He loves um I think you get the idea
I used to be bad, yeah, I was kind of a jerk
But now I live for God, and I swear I'm gonna do His work!
I used to be bad, yeah, but those days are done
I used to fight the good, but now I see the good has won!
He used to be bad, yeah, he used to be a bother
But I'm just glad I didn't learn that Darth Tater is my father!
He used to be bad, yeah, there was evil in his blood
But I'm so glad to see he's now a friendly, loving spud!
So have you changed your ways?
Yes, yes. I see that I was wrong.
Are you SURE we can't rule the universe?
Yes, yes. Now join me in my song.
Darth and the peas:
We used to be bad, yeah, we were not very nice
But now we have learned that being evil always has its price
We used to be bad, yeah, we used to rob and fight
But now we're on God's side and it is gonna be all right!
SCENE XIV-The kitchen counter. Bob and Larry are there.
Larry: Wow! What an exciting story! It had everything! Spaceships, whaliens, giant potatoes! Popcorn! Falling computer consoles! A narrator who couldn't quite keep up with the action!
Bob: But most important, it had a moral!
(Song comes in)
And so what we have learned applies to our lives today
God has a lot to say in His book
Bob: (sighs) Oh, go on! Finish the song!
(As song continues, Larry starts dancing)
You see we know that God's word is for everyone
And now that our song is done, we'll take a look.
Bob: I'm really getting tired of that song.
Larry: I like that song! It's got a good beat, and you can dance to it!
Bob: So, anyways, I think I was saying that this story had a moral.
Larry: That's right! And the moral is never count your kittens before they scratch!
Bob: Um not exactly, Larry.
Larry: Oh. Was it never build a log cabin in the middle of a colony of beavers, because they might chew your house up and you'll end up living in a pile of splinters?
Bob: That had nothing to do with the story, Larry.
Larry: Yeah, but that's kind of an important moral, don't you think?
Bob: (flustered) Well yeah um why don't we just ask Qwerty what the moral was?
(They hop over to Qwerty)
Bob: Could you give us the moral of the story?
(Qwerty beeps, then puts up "Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Psalms 119:1")
Bob: Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. Psalm 119, verse 1. That means that we should do what God wants us to do, which means to be nice to people, and to not do things that are bad for us. Remember that God loves you, and wants to see you grow up to be healthy and happy. If you're ever not sure if something is bad for you, go ahead and ask your parents. They will usually know.
Larry: That's right!
Bob: And remember, God made you special, and He loves you very much. Goodbye!
Larry: Adios! Hasta La Vista! Ciao! Sayonara! Buncha nachos!
Bob: Don't you mean buenos noches?
(Note: The author is not associated with Big Idea Productions, the
creators of VeggieTales, in any way. This script is intended for
entertainment purposes only. Though if anyone at Big Idea wants to
take a look at it, please do!
P.S. Thanks, Jeff!)